If Canada becomes the fifty-first, that Mister Donald will impose a lot of changes on us. If we don’t take on the American Republican ways, we’ll be deported to some foreign country whose DNA shows our country of origin. It’ll be across the Bering Straits to Siberia for our indigenous population. I hope it’ll be a USAF C-5A Galaxy that takes me back to Ukraine, where all my grandparents came from. (That’ll be the 362nd different type of aircraft I’ve flown in.) My Juliet will get shipped to Wales.
Whose genes are in your roots?
No more Metric System’s oh-so-simple 0 (freezing), 100 (boiling) and 18 (room temperature). Back to 32, 212 and 68. Instead of 10, 100 and 1000, we’ll have to struggle with 12, 36 and 1760 or 5280.
When writing postcards to folks back home, out the window go the u’s. No more ardour, candour, favour, flavour, parlour, through and vigour. As of take-over day, it’ll be ardor, candor, favor, flavor, parlor, thru and vigor. (I wonder if ‘our’ will become ‘or’, and ‘Sun’ will be ‘Sn’.)
Our six-character postal code will be changed to a zip code containing many more.
When we make our way through a crowd our “Sorry!” will change to “Outta my way, bud!, “You first!” will become “I’m next!”, and instead of “Excuse me, my fault!” it’ll be the other guy to blame.
This year, Victoria Day falls on Monday May 19. Only one Canadian in a thousand ever had any idea what was being celebrated. Under the White House regime, it’ll be a celebration of Victoria’s Secret. The lingerie shops will be doing just great.
To Americans, an arrow was just a pointed weapon propelled through the air by a bow. To Canadians born any time after WW II, the Arrow was the absolutely impressive Avro Canada CF-105 Arrow, a very promising supersonic interceptor that was intended to be propelled at supersonic speeds by the mighty Orenda engine. It wasn’t just Diefenbaker that killed it, it wasn’t the Americans that killed it and there isn’t one that managed to escape from the wrecker’s acetylene torches. It would take more than a book to attempt to do justice to the Arrow story.
When we become the 51st, getting our children to become ‘Murricans will involve tremendous expenditures of money. To draw a Canadian flag on a piece of paper requires only one crayon, a red one. American flag: blue is also needed. Counting was easy too: only one maple leaf and only two end bars. Compare that to the 50 stars and 13 stripes.
However, once the cost of disposing of all our obsolete atlases is dealt with, learning the new names of the gulfs, bays and seas will be easy: America this, America that, America just about everything. One exception: our 51st’s tallest mountain (Mt. Logan: 19,551 feet) will become Mt. Trump.
Anyhow, have a Happy Victoria’s Secret Day, Monday May 19!
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